Comedian Archives - Kate Waterhouse

DATE WITH KATE: CELESTE BARBER

8th May, 2016

SUN HERALD S Celeste Barber with Kate Waterhouse at Apache Salute in Paddington. 15th March 2016

Celeste Barber with I at Apache Salute in Paddington.

Actor, writer and comedian Celeste Barber is best known for her roles in All Saints, Office Correctness and How Not to Behave. She has also made a name for herself through her satirical Instagram account, which has more than 740,000 followers and has caught the attention of celebrities including Kris Jenner, Ashton Kutcher and Zooey Deschanel. Barber, 33, tells Kate Waterhouse where she sees her career heading and provides hilarious insights into her social media challenges.

You are a trained actor and only later fell into comedy?

Well, yeah, I’ve always been told I’ve been funny but I always thought funny was stupid. I thought if you were a bit of an idiot then that was funny. But I’ve since learnt, no, not the case, and being funny is the best and I love it… My late friend Mark Priestley, who worked on [All Saints with me], was like, “This is your niche,” and he helped me focus on it.

You appeared in The Letdown this week as part of ABC TV’s Comedy Showroom. How did that come about?

I was asked to audition and read the pilot’s script and fell in love with it. Then I found out that Noni Hazlehurst was playing the midwife and I was willing to sell my children to get the part.

What do you love most about comedy and making people laugh?

It’s so nice to hear people’s response because laughter is a positive thing. You very rarely hear someone going “I’m really angry” while they’re laughing … If we focus more on things that are funny and made us feel nice, as opposed to feel pressured to look that way or pressured to think this way, I think it would lift the mood a lot, in a lot of circles …That’s what I’m finding since doing this Instagram stuff – that people just walk up to me and say, “I’ve had the shittiest day and then I saw your photos and now I’m laughing and thank God for you, I’m sick of worrying about being fat now.”

How did you become this internet sensation?

Well, the second you put yourself up near Kardashian … then you’re running for president… it’s madness. I don’t know how it happened. I remember when it happened: it was, like, in August last year. I was at my house with friends and I had just done the Daily Mail interview and then I got an e-mail from the Daily Mail going, “It’s going live now.” They put it up and then Phil my friend was like, “All right – drinking games. No one check their phone for one minute.” We all had to turn our phone on aeroplane mode and then a minute later he’d say “10,000 [more followers] – scull” and then we’d scull. It was the best. Then we’d go, “Right, five minutes,” then set an alarm, come back, “15,000 – scull”. It was the best.

You now have over 740,000 followers around the word.

Yeah. Most of them are in the [United] States. I’m waiting for Amy Schumer to go, “Actually you are amazing,” and be a part of it. Come on, Schumer.

So how did you start doing your satirical photos of celebrities?

My sister and I were just seeing crazy yoga poses or someone going, “Wednesday Lunch”, and we’re like, “That’s not Wednesday lunch. You’re on a paddle board, in the middle of the Bora Bora, doing downward dog.” And then I would go, “All right, I’ll try that. That’s just what a normal day is for fancy people. Challenge accepted.” That’s just how it started. My sister and I just started sending texts to each other with a funny photo [from social media] and she would write, “Challenge accepted?” I’m like, “Yeah.” I did a few and then the Kim Kardashian one, on the dirt pile.

Did that image of you imitating Kim Kardashian have the most impact?

[Yes] most impact. It’s not one of my most popular ones. But that’s the one where people took notice. Then Daily Mail got hold of it and then Time magazine and that sort of thing.

Kris Jenner recently shared your Instagram image on Facebook. What was it like to catch the attention of one of America’s most infamous personalities?

It’s weird considering her children/clients are the main source of my parodies, but she seemed to have a good sense of humour about it.

Did her star power have an impact on your career?

Nup. My followers went up but the Weinsteins are yet to call with a show offer.

Have any other celebrities reached out to you?

I did a photo of Cindy Crawford – the iconic one where she is popping a bottle of champagne in front of the Hollywood sign. So I got a bottle of Coke and stood in front of the Long Jetty sign, on the Central Coast [of NSW]. She wrote underneath it, “A nice one,” with a smiley face, which was very sweet. People like Ashton Kutcher have done shoutouts, Zooey Deschanel and Snooki. I am waiting for Kanye to beat down my door though and go, “You will not hurt my wife.” I’m waiting for that.

Do you ever get nervous of a celebrities response, especially someone like him?

Wouldn’t give a shit, wouldn’t care less. Good luck to him.

Do you get trolled by some of the celebrities’ fans?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes people are like, “You’re fat, go away.” But I don’t care. I have kids and teenage daughters. I’ve made sure that I always say to them, “Social media has the power you give it. If you don’t want it to be anything more than a photo of you with your friends, then that’s all it is”.

Who is your favourite person to impersonate on your Instagram?

I like to call them my muses, not my victims or anything. They’re my muse. Kylie Jenner is pretty easy. If I’m struggling for something to do, I’m like, “Surely she has got something going,” and I’ll look for her and bang there it is.

Who are your favourite comedians?

Usual suspects: Amy Schumer, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler… They’re just funny. Excellent women. And a lot write their own stuff. Amy Schumer recently said, when she won an award, “I work because I look like this. So I have to write my own stuff.” Because I’ve got this area and that’s exactly how I feel. I get really inspired by that, really inspired by making my own stuff which will suit me. That’s fun.

What would you be doing if you didn’t go into acting and comedy?

Oh, crying. Nothing. I don’t know what I would do without it. I really don’t. It’s my first love. Nothing. Look at me freaking out. Well, actually maybe back-up dancer for Beyonce. There, write that.

What do you do in downtime when you’re not working?

Hang out with my kids, my little fellows. They’re the best.

It must be fun around your dinner table.

Yeah. We don’t always eat — I’m going to be on a parenting website now. We don’t always eat at the table. We’ve got too many age groups and too many needs. So we’re just like, “Make sure everyone eats.” That’s the way you do it. Don’t tell Mia Freedman that. She will put me on Mamamia [as the] “worst mother in the world”.

Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?

Doing a sitcom-type show that I have written. That’s my plan.

BITE SIZE

WE WENT TO Apache Salute, Paddington.

WE ATE mozzarella, tomato and spinach Panini and fresh muffins.

WE DRANK freshly squeezed orange juices, coffee and herbal tea.

Date with Kate

Date with Kate: Akmal Saleh

3rd April, 2016

Akmal Saleh is an Australian comedian and actor who has toured his stand-up in Australia and internationally during more than 20 years of performing. He has appeared on numerous Australian television shows, most recently I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here. I chatted to the funnyman about his childhood, his love of making people laugh and the power of comedy.

What is a day in the life of you?

My days vary; my favourite thing is going on tour. Just travelling and doing comedy every night. If I could do that till the day I die, I’ll be really happy. When I’m not working, I try to kind of keep my day busy because it’s really hard. Comedians are very undisciplined people. And they’re very lazy people by nature because they only work an hour a night, so kind of their minds drift.

You must spend a lot of time working on all your content.

You would think so, but I’m very lazy. I don’t know how I’ve survived for so long, doing the minimal amount of work [laughs]. But I work hard on stage. A lot of the really funny bits that I’ve come up with have been thought up and developed on stage because your adrenaline is going, you’ve got the audience there. It’s sometimes the best way to write material because you’re at your best. Whereas sometimes you wake up and you’re thinking about, “Well, is this funny?” You’re not really sure. Most comedians you’ll talk to have a lot of doubts.

When did you first realise you were very funny?

Well, I never really thought that I could do this as a job. All my family were really highly educated. I always thought I’d have to be a doctor. But apparently you need certificates and stuff [laughs]. My family really valued academia and I never got an education because I never could focus or remember things [at school].

Were you the class larrikin at school?

To be honest with you, I was more like the class clown’s assistant because I liked being the clown but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts because when I went to school, they used to beat you with a stick. I went to a private school and we’d get the cane. So I was too much of a coward to be the real class clown. I’d be in the background.

Tell me all about your experience on I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here.

I’ll be totally honest with you: I had some really serious financial problems because I’m an idiot. Both my wife and me are really bad with money. So we were living in Byron [Bay], really having a good time, just enjoying our lives and suddenly we were on the brink of bankruptcy. So this thing came along and I was really under pressure to do it. On the first day [during a trial] I said, “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here”. They said, “What the trial or the whole show?” I said, “No, the whole show. I’m not doing this” … I said it twice [during the show] on different occasions but they cut it out [of the show]. From day one, I thought, “I’m in the wrong show. I shouldn’t be here.” But on the positive side, I got to meet some of the most amazing people.

Did you watch yourself on the series, once you were out?

No, I’m really scared to watch it. I never watch myself on TV because whenever I do, it looks odd. Whenever I’ve released a DVD, whenever I have sat and watched those, I just refused to release it.

You moved to Sydney when you were 11. What was it like growing up in Egypt?

It was different. I went from Egypt to Punchbowl. Egypt was more dangerous than Punchbowl. They moved because Egypt was a troubled place at the time. We’re Coptic Christian and there was a lot of persecution against Christians, and also there was a lot of oppression … I had a 19-year-old nephew who got arrested for questioning the president after he did a speech at his university. He asked something stupid like, “Is it true that you have people around you that make you feel more important than you are?” The next day he just disappeared forever, never to be seen again. We moved because of this constant fear.

How did you get into comedy?

I was always attracted to [comedy]. I’d go and watch comedy and I used to actually go up to the comedians and say, “you should maybe try this”. I’d start giving them advice. And then I’d see them taking my advice and doing the bits that I suggested and getting bigger laughs and I thought, “Maybe I could do it.” Once I did it, I got such a thrill from it, I thought, “I’ve got to do this again.” It’s like nothing else – you could be a musician or you could be an actor, but comedy, it’s only you and you’re getting all the accolades. When it’s going well, you’re just feeding off that, and it’s a selfish thing because it’s just you. But when it doesn’t go well, it’s the most painful experience because you only have yourself to blame.

Does it ever not go well?

Oh yeah, of course. A lot of times it doesn’t go well.

How does that feel?

Terrible. It’s really painful and it doesn’t get easier… and it’s just you, you can’t hide behind an instrument or a character. I’ve been booed off by 500 women once.

What happened?

Some male strippers approached me and asked me to open for them and every night. It was so hard because the women were there to see these guys who were chiselled and hot. And I’d come out and go, “Hi” – I had a little potbelly and I was going bald. You could actually hear the audience go “Oh no” as you were walking on stage.

But the good times must be amazing. What do you love about comedy?

It’s a thrill like no other. All the love you’re getting from the audience on a good night, it’s just for you so you feel 10 feet tall. When I do something like Melbourne [Comedy Festival, where he performs April 5-17] and you get a really smart audience and there is 800 people listening to your thoughts and opinions and have paid for the privilege, when it goes well you go, “I held these people’s attention for so long.” I may have even turned people around to my way of thinking.

That must be very powerful.

It can be. You can really change people’s perspective. One of the most powerful things that was ever said to me by an audience member – this guy comes up to me after my show and he says, “Mate, I really enjoyed the show. I’ve got to tell you, I normally hate Arabs. I reckon they’re all horrible people. But you’re OK.” I got to change his perspective … I started thinking: [comedy] has its place in society. It has significance. It has validity.

Tell me about the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

I do it like every two years because it takes about a year to come up with a new show. At the festival, they tend to be a much more judgmental crowd.

Why?

Because it’s sort of different than say going to a country town where they’re just happy to have a comedian perform in their town. They’re usually a very smart crowd who have seen a lot of comedy, so I feel a lot more pressured. You have to be at your best. It’s really daunting.

Funny man Akmal Saleh and I enjoying a Japanese feast at Sake

BITE SIZE

WE WENT TO Saké Restaurant & Bar, The Rocks.

WE ATE lamb chop wasabi chimichurri; miso caramelized ‘Glacier 51’ toothfish with ginger, spring onion, seasame and chilli ponzu; scampi tempura with citrus caramel and ponzu gel; ashimi combo classic-style sashimi with soy and wasabi.

WE DRANK green tea and Asahi Beer.

I WORE a Life With Bird top and skirt.

Akmal Saleh performs April 5-17 at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and on April 28 and 29 at the Enmore Theatre for the Sydney Comedy Festival.