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surrogacy

Date with Kate

Date with Kate: Sally Obermeder

30th April, 2017

Sally Obermeder and I catching up at Mr G’s

 

Television host, lifestyle blogger and cancer survivor Sally Obermeder welcomed her second child, Elyssa Rose, via surrogacy last December. Obermeder had been diagnosed with cancer during her pregnancy with her first child, Annabelle, and began chemotherapy after the 2012 birth, later learning she wouldn’t be able to safely have another child. Obermeder, 43, talks to me about her surrogacy journey and Australian attitudes around it, the thrill of live TV, and her new range of frozen smoothies.

Do you love being a mum the second time around? 

It’s so different this time. I said to [husband] Marcus, “I can’t remember Annabelle smiling, I can’t remember this, I can’t remember that” … It was so tough at that time with Annabelle. It’s almost like this is, not like becoming a mum for the first time, but this experience, this new-born experience, is my first experience of it in this way and it is heavenly.

What was your surrogacy journey like? 

It was really good. Rachel [the surrogate mother, who lives in the US] is amazing. I still speak to her all the time … I think we’ll have a very tight bond for life.

Sally with her two daughters, Annabelle and Elyssa. Photo: @sallyobermeder

 

Will [Rachel] be involved in your life going forward?

Yeah I think so. We FaceTime all the time … it feels very natural. It’s just like sending photos of your kids to your friends.

What were the biggest challenges you faced during your surrogacy journey? 

A long distance is definitely hard because you’re not going to the appointments, you can’t physically. I would get up at 2am to be on a call when she was at an ultrasound or whatever … I think it’s also a challenge with Annabelle, because even though we talked about the pregnancy all the time and that her sibling was coming, for her it wasn’t in her face every day … And then suddenly you take her overseas, you’re like, “Bang, here’s the baby.” She’s like, “What?”

How is Annabelle [aged five] adjusting to being a big sister to Elyssa? 

She is a lot better now … I think she [initially] thought she was getting a sibling she could play with [right away], so she was not happy at all … With Elyssa, I see how her face lights up when Annabelle looks at her. It is amazing to see that bond that is already there…

What advice would you give to someone going down the surrogacy path? 

I’d definitely say, “Do it … If you can afford to do it and you want to do it, do it.” I have not one bad thing to say about the experience.

What attitudes did you experience in response to surrogacy? 

I think people are really blown away, obviously, by Rachel’s kindness … You will always get people who say things like, “Oh, you just went and bought a baby” … There’s nothing you can do about it. For us and for our family, this is like an amazing dream come true … If I could have adopted, I would have, but … adoption laws need to change because they’re so backward. Surrogacy laws need to change, they are just as backward …  I would like to see it become legal and I would like to see paid surrogacy become legal.

Where do you see yourselves in five years’ time? 

I don’t know, I think I’m still so obsessed with having a baby. I said to Marcus today, “I could have another one.” He was like, “Are you mental?”

Congratulations on your new frozen smoothie range, Super Green Smoothies. 

We’ve been working on that for about three years now … I had been doing smoothies for ages, and to really do them well, in a sense that you’re being efficient with your time and with your money, you need a prep day … I had this light bulb [moment]: I was like … why can’t you just buy it ready done? And then you can just add the liquid, like I would at home … We really agonised over making sure that everything is in there that you need, so that you’ve got this great big shot of health.

How do you juggle it all? 

There just always is someone unhappy. If you’re spending lots of time at home, then someone at work is unhappy. If you’re spending too much time at work, then someone at home is unhappy. And it’s very hard. For a long time, I drove myself crazy trying to make this perfect set routine … Now I’m like, “Oh, I give up” .. I really just roll with each day as best I can …

When do you head back to work [on Channel 7’s afternoon show The Daily Edition]? 

I go back at the end of August … I popped in a couple of weeks ago to introduce Elyssa to the team … The adrenaline rush comes back and it’s funny … that buzz of live TV, there’s nothing like it.

What do you love most about live TV? 

It’s not pre-recorded, and then if something happens, it’s just on. It’s unfolding as you speak … You realise there’s more to the world than the small little bubble that you live in, and that’s actually really quite exciting … To be a part of it and to be able to share it, it’s amazing.

What has been your biggest pinch-me moment in your TV career? 

In terms of celebs, definitely I would say Jon Bon Jovi, just because it’s like that was the era that I grew up in. I went to every Bon Jovi concert. The whole time the 13-year-old in me was like, “I cannot believe that this is happening”.

BITESIZE

We went to Mr G’s, Intercontinental Hotel Double Bay

We ate Fish Tacos with kingfish tartare, finger lime & flying fish roe; King Crab Sliders with Alaskan king crab, cucumber, celery & lemon aioli; French Beans with smoked bacon & herbs; BBQ Creamed Corn

We drank Still mineral water

Sally wore vintage Levis and a Swiish choker knit

Kate wore Skins and Threads 

Date with Kate, Fashion

Date with Kate: Jayson Brunsdon and Aaron Elias

16th April, 2017

Aaron and Jayson Brunson chatting to me about their son, Roman

 

Fashion designer Jayson Brunsdon and his partner, Aaron Elias, built the Jayson Brunsdon fashion label into one of the most recognised in Australia. In 2015 they became parents via surrogacy in Thailand but faced a devastating setback when the country stopped surrogacy in the wake of the Baby Gammy case and the IVF clinic they were using was closed. The couple open up to me about the struggles they faced, Elias’ motivation for writing his new book, Designer Baby: A Surrogacy Journey from Fashion to Fatherhood, and Brunsdon’s fashion plans.

What inspired you to write your book?

Aaron: [Roman] was the biggest inspiration. It is about love. So it is about love for him, our love, when we first met, and it’s about our careers and fashion. It’s about … our journey into parenthood and what went on [in Thailand] and how we managed to bring him home.

What were the biggest issues you faced in your surrogacy journey?

Aaron: Surrogacy issues here are hugely controversial, so the law hasn’t really changed much over the years … We used an altruistic surrogacy because my cousin donated her eggs to us, so we had to actually bring her to Thailand … to start the process there.

Jayson: She had to inject herself daily and it’s about three weeks to get it done because she didn’t have enough eggs and it just kept going on and on and on … [Later] I turn on the television one morning and I saw this whole Baby Gammy story and they said the Thai government … have illegalised the whole IVF.

How did that make you feel?

Jayson: I didn’t even know what to do … I couldn’t contact him until the night, so I sat there all day on my own just thinking, “Oh my God, we’re not going to be able to get him out. What’s going on?” … [Later] we were very panicked.

What was that moment like when you finally got to bring him home?

Jayson: It was pure joy … There was a lot of bureaucratic stuff you have to go through.

Was the journey home how you expected it to be?

Aaron: No, we were almost arrested at the [Thai] airport. The embassy told us that we would have no problems whatsoever and that we just needed the exit permit … We got to the airport and we were fine; Qantas had organised a chaperone to take us right through … And then it all just started – [Customs] started making really horrible jokes about us, about our sexuality.

Jayson: As we walked towards immigration, all the officers came around towards us and that is where we were detained [for nearly three hours].

Aaron: They said they wanted the surrogate mother there and started screaming at us …

Jayson: They were accusing us of human trafficking … I thought I was going to go to jail … Finally the Australian Embassy [assisted us] and they were fantastic.

What were your objectives for the message of your book?

Aaron: I think it is a very imperative conversation that needs to take place in Australia because, not just about surrogacy itself, but also about gay marriages, equality, all of that. [We have been] together for 18 years … We want to paint a picture that we are not villains, we’re normal people … and we shouldn’t be treated like second-class citizens.

Jayson: We think surrogacy needs to be seriously looked at.

What do you hope has changed in the world when Roman grows up?

Aaron: I really want him to be able to live in a country that his parents could get married and let it be a happy environment and to help people – childless couples and parents that have been going through the strains of motherhood and pregnancy.

How are you going to explain things to him?

Jayson: We’ll just explain it completely the way it was. We already have. We’ve started because his mother lives here, she lives in Bondi and we see a lot of her and her children, and he plays with his siblings all the time. He is really close to them.

How has parenthood changed you?

Jayson: Completely. I think it brings out the best. It brings out a better version of yourself.

Do you guys have plans to have more children?

Aaron: No. We get asked this question every day of our lives. But initially it was about having another one at least, so that Roman could have a brother or a sister, but I think we’ve been so blessed, blessed with Rebecca, blessed with her children.

How is everything going fashion-wise?

Jayson: I’ve kind of just stepped away from it quite a bit. I found it really hard to try and concentrate on both because … when you fashion design it’s like a six-day-a-week job and it’s 24/7 … I knew that at my age, the time was precious and I really wanted to experience as much of it as possible. So I stepped back a bit from it … I’ve started painting again … That’s how I started 30 years ago – I was a fashion illustrator … I’m going to turn that into a bit of business.

What has been your biggest career highlight?

Jayson: I guess showing in New York fashion week, the first time. That was fantastic.

You’ve had so many celebrities wear your clothes. Who stands out in your mind?

Jayson: Princess Mary [of Denmark] … There is something about royalty that seems to transcend celebrity somehow … She is so fabulous.

Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?

Jayson: I see myself painting more, just looking after Roman, he will be six by then.

Aaron: I see ourselves in a Spanish villa!

Have you always been passionate about writing?

Aaron: Always … but I never really thought that I was going to write a book. It was always the intention to write a journal for Roman and I wanted him to see the whole thing when he was old enough to read it. I wanted all the facts in there, every single detail that happened, just in case if I’m not around or something happens to us …  I was fortunate to have it published and … we never expected it, but it’s happening.

Designer Baby: A Surrogacy Journey from Fashion to Fatherhood is now available on the shelves.

 

 

BITESIZE

We went to Reuben Hills, Surry Hills

We ate French toast with bacon crumb, charred banana, bacon custard, basil black pepper gel & berries and sourdough with jam

We drank a cappuccino, soy latte and flat white

Jayson wore UNIQLO and Aaron wore H&M.

Kate wore a Trenery shirt.

Designer Baby: A Surrogacy Journey from Fashion to Fatherhood is now available on the shelves.